Complete and utter disaster.

Complete and utter disaster.

See, Brandon (of Maxwell Smart fame) had to go on at 9:45, and I
worked until 9 o'clock. So Melissa and I left the mall at 9, and
stopped at some crappy little bar somewhere between Northridge Fashion
Center and the Verity Room. We enjoyed a shot of tequila and an adult
beverage or two, and planned to head straight to the show.

Now, backing out of the parking lot of said crappy bar posed a bit of
a problem for tipsy Melissa. Not because she was tipsy, I only
mention it because it's important. But she backed her beautiful,
white, 2005 Mustang smack into he rear bumper of a Ford Taurus.

To say the very least, we were going to be late.

Of course,I immediately took control of the situation. Not because I
like to be in control, but because - when I'm nervous - I like to know
that if things get f'd up, I won't hate anyone but me for the outcome,
whatever it may be.

I stepped out of the car and inspected the damage. Nothing on the
'Stang, but grey paint.

The Taurus though...

Well, the Taurus? The entire rear corner bumper was crumpled like
aluminum foil.

"Melissa, give me your driver's license and insurance card."

A lady steps out of the passenger seat and starts going crazy. "What
the hell were you doing!?"

A man steps out of the driver's seat.

"Hello," I say. "Tell her to shut up. Have you got a pen?"

"Be quiet, honey. Let me get their information."

I write down Melissa's info, he writes his, we trade. I act like I
know what I'm doing, quick, methodical, like I've done it a hundred
times before. I'm doing this because (a) we're in a hurry, and (b)
because I want no possibility of police involvement.

Melissa apologizes. Bad move. An apology is admitting fault. Other
than that, she did great.

We walk in halfway through Brandon's set, and he mentions waiting for
his girlfriend all night on stage.

So now I'm sitting at a show with no alcohol, the third wheel, with
two wheels that aren't speaking to one another. It's beautifully
awkward and hideously sober, but it's something,

I've got the day off tomorrow, so I suppose I've got that to look
forward to.

Selah.