Israeli Girls kick ass.

She might kick ass, but she sure as shit, talks funny.

Her name's Eti. I met her on a smoke break. She was sitting on the stairs outside the mall, and she said "Allo."

Me: How are you? Have you been busy today?
Eti: No. I'm drinking too much Jameson on my lunch break, now I only want to sleep.

Ahh, drunk at work. Could this girl be any better for me? Two nights later, she was calling my cell, asking if she could come over.

Eti: I drop off my roommate, and then I come to your house?
Me: Sure. I mean, come on over. There's not a whole lot going on, to be honest with you, but we could hang out. Call me if you need directions.
Eti: I be there in elfinower.
Me: "Elfinower"?
Eti: Yes. Thirty minutes.

Eti: [Upon walking into the apartment, and seeing Scrabble on the table] You play that game with the words? Just like in the movies?
Me: Umm, Scrabble? Yeah. I guess.

In what fucking movie do people play Scrabble? Perhaps in Israel, they go to the theater to watch Hasbro commercials.

Eti: So you are Mexican?
Me: No. I'm, er, Native American. American Indian?
Eti: Oh. You don't look like Indian.
Me: No, not Indian American. American Indian. It's like - you know what? - forget it.
Eti: When I'm in Israeli Army, I know Indian.
Me: You were in the Israeli Army? What did you do?
Eti: I mostly watch on the radar, and I shoot the Palestines.
Me: Right. Shoot the Palestines.
Eti: I'm sorry, my English not so good. Most people, they like. Americans think is sexy.
Me: Yeah. It is. It's also, um, do you know what "mildly retarded" means?
Eti: No. What is mightily retarded?
Me: It's sexy, baby. It's sexy.

I cannot - in my wildest imagination - foresee this ending well.

Me: So what brought you to working in the mall? I mean, shooting Palestinians - I would think - is a talent you could parlay into just about anything.
Eti: I wish to travel, all around. After the army, I went to Amsterdam, and Spain, and France, and just to stay there a while, you know? It's how to learn. And you cannot work in lot of places, when you are Israeli. You can only work in some places, where my boss is Israeli.
Me: I see. So the whole operation's a little shady. Do you plan to keep traveling?
Eti: Next month, I probably go to South America.
Me: That sounds like fun, I mean, "leaving the country in a month" is kind of what I look for in a girl.
Eti: Sometimes, I think you are joking on me.
Me: Don't be silly. I wouldn't joke on you. In fact, that's probably the most sincere thing I've said to a girl in a long, long time.

So sadly, Eti will be gone soon. And as long as she doesn't blow up my house before she leaves, I'll probably miss her.